Justin Long was on Jimmy Kimmel on August 17, 2010 where he showed a lengthy text konversashun he had witha  tween who texted him by accident thinking that he was a boy from skool. He did not read all of the conversation aloud, so my husband and I went through the video frame by frame whenever Justin scrolled down through the text. I pieced together a transcript as best as I could and the laughs made it worthwhile. Check out the interview on youtube first.

Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0e3PGMpVwIY

Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Afhk5VDCpb0

Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFps0RHZx-w

Here is the most accurate transcript I could pull together. “T” stands for Tween, “J” stands for Justin, duh, and where there are *** there was a name or swear word blurred out.

Feb 23, 2010 8:03 pm

T: Hey r u there I need 2 tell u something its really important it’s a mater of life or death

J: Who is this dramatic person?

T: Haha im srry 4 wat I told u in skool 2 day I was just pissted off when I don’t know why

Feb 23, 2010 8:24 pm

T: It’s *** fyi

Feb 24, 2010 2:22 am

J: Oh snap- lol- I thought u wrrr a krazeee prsn. Wen u said dat in skool, I wuz lyke “whaaa???” butt gnow I’m like “oh okaye, laughing my ass off!”. Omg I am so lol-ing right now.

J: *** u r krazeeeee!!!

Feb 24, 2010 9:03 pm

T: Hey r u awake

Feb 24, 2010 9:46 pm

J: Naw, sick and going to bed :(

Feb 25, 2010 1:18 pm

T: Hey wats up

Feb 25, 2010 1:52 pm

T: Y

Feb 25, 2010 7:10 pm

T: Y is ur cousin (***) a ***

Feb 25, 2010 8:29 pm

J: Y do u think dat?

T: Cause u told me dat

Feb 25, 2010 9:13 pm

J: Cuz she just iz. Y is a tree a tree or a flea a flea 4 dat matter. Jst god’s plan I suppoz

T: Um ok soo wat r u doing

Feb 26, 2010 1:15 pm

T: Hey wats up buddy

Feb 26, 2010 1:50 pm

J: Nutheng, still psick tho :(

J: Jest whached con ayr w nikolass caje- omg, it’s sooo ghood!

J: Hough iz skool?

Feb 26, 2010 2:01 pm

T: idk but someone (eduardo) keeps ignoring me (eduardo) I wonder who (eduardo)

J: Listen up u (***)- I (Eduardo) am (is) sick (ill). I’m illin’, and not in a cool “beastie boys”-way, like I have a license to ill, I am genuinely sick. I didn’t meeeen to igknorr u- I jest haven’t phelpt like dooin anything x-ept watch tv and reeeed “cosmo gurl”. Now I’m watching dat movie “accepted” w dat guy hoo iz in de mac cummershels.

T: Ok u read cosmo girl

Feb 26, 2010 4:40 pm

J: Whaaa?!? No! I wuz jk! J-K!!! Lol? Plus, I sayd “cosmo gurl”. And even if I did read it, you shouldn’t be so kwik to jujj becuz sometimes they havv sum interesteeng articles in dat publikashion. Or at least, that’s wut I’ve herrd

T: Omg shure

J: My cuzzin prolly reads dat shiz (***). Lol!

J: Ok koin, I read it once! Just WUNSC because I was at my proctologist’s office and there just happened to be a copy lying there – so sue me!!! I read a very interesting article about Justin Beeber and his effect on the collective pituitary developement of  prepubescent gurrls. It was actually kwyeet enlightening! What, do  u only reeed “judgement weekly”

J: G

J: I meant “GOMSN”!

T: U write beiber not beeber

J: Oh sorry for misspelling THAT! And u wrote “write” instead of the grammatically correct “wrote” butt u don’t c me jumping down ur throughoat!

J: Maybe if I read more “highlights” I’d gnowe hough 2 spegll bettur.

J: Jk

Feb 26, 2010 5:05 pm

T: Hahaha lol srry 4 taking long but *** were on my phone

J: Omg! That’s heylarrius. ***?!? Wat did that skank say?

Feb 26, 2010 5:15 pm

T: Idk their tlking about something and she says don’t touch it don’t drink it I think some posinus stuff because she don’t love him and yea that’s all well

T: write now and before something bout I do want 2 talk 2 u but u hung up the phone

J: Dat iz messd up. I gess it’s saphe to say “she got served”. Right? Er…wait. Lol?

T: Idk but it could be a lol if it counts ok yes no idk

Feb 26, 2010 5:23 pm

J: Haha idknow either.

J: Wait

J: If “wat” countz?

T: Nevermind man I fell and hert my back and when I checked I had a big scratch on my back

J: What r u talking bout???

T: I fell and got sratched while playing socer well playing with the ball kicking it back and forth from one end of my parking lot 2 the other end and I fel

T: I and got a big scratch on my back

Feb 26, 2010 6:20 pm

J: Oh. Dang! U ok? Did u put antibacterial shiz on it?

J: U should It cood bcum gangreenous. Does it smell lyke almonds?

T: Yea im fine and yes I did but it hurts alot

T: No

Feb 26, 2010 7:15 pm

T: Hello?

Feb 26, 2010 7:43 pm

J: Srry, wuz reading mi nu book (jd Salinger rip)

T: Nerd jk jk lol haha

J: I gnow, ei know but does it make it less merdee if it toock me an xtra long tyme 2 reed it?

T: It will make u extra nerdee cause nerds still read

Feb 26, 2010 8:02 pm

J: True dat! Don’t gno wat I wuz thinkin! Nerds reed and cool kidz r illiterate. Wat if I red a lyttl then watchd shittee realitee tv 4 as long az I red 4? Wuud dat mayk mee even- half nerdee, haff kool?

J: I myte get a Twitter account. I luv righting in mei diaree butt dats prolly nerdee 2 huh

T: Ur half-nerd and half-kool so ur in da middle

J: Yess!

T: I thought u said that twitter and facebook r gay

T: Haha lol

J: I ment “gay” in a phun wai lyke da waye texting is gay, or playing sprts iz gay, or hangin w peeps is gay… or imagining whether or not Justin beiber has pubes is gay, It’s just phun!

T: Wut I don’t understand

Feb 26, 2010 8:15 pm

J: Plus, it’s only relly “gay” iph u uze facebook or Twitter to befriend doods 4 da purposes uv making luv 2 dem

J: ***, I thinck I may hav bin rong a bout facebook. Might b a nyce wai 2 meat gnu friends… gay or str8t

J: Du u think riting letters n b-ing sumbuddies pen pal is gay?!?

T: Idk y

J: Course knot!

T: So then y do u ask me

J: Unles u r penpal iz clayton Aiken!

J: I axed cuz it wuz a rhetorical question

T: K then

J: K. Did u eet ur dinner yhet?

T: Um no but y do u want 2 kno

Feb 26, 2010 8:33 pm

J: Jest kurious. Trying 2 mayk konversashun

T: Oh no how bout u

J: I just 8 sum sashini + I think I mey hav gottn salmonella poisoning!

J: Mei stumak iz on fyyyre! I think I mey havv sum serious bowel movements in mei not-too-distant future. Lol

J: Wurd of advice *** if a sushi restaurant gets less than a “b” rating don’t take the chance!

T: Oh um was it good

J: Yes, it wuz delish

J: Lol

J: Gots 2 tern mei fone off 4 now – in da movies bout 2 watch Amanda seyfriend play in “dear John” – dis guy next 2 mee keeps giving me durty looks cuz he’s tryin 2 watch da moovy – wat a gay nerd. Anywho, gonna get my “dear John” on! I’ll tell u all bout it!

J: The book wuz good butt I’ll bett da moovy wil b less nerdee

T: Kool thanks for da adbive haha lol

T: U read da book

Feb 26, 2010 8:49 pm

J: If I sayd “yes” will u tell uther people i’m a nerd? U gno wat? I dont’ kare – tell dem – I enjoy reading, I doo. I also like cool things tho, lyke textin, hangin, jugglin, crime-solvin, chillin, and bein disrespectful to mei parents

T: No I won’t tell anyone I will keep it 2 myself pinkie promise

J: K thanks :) u can tho – sumtimes u hav 2 face who u r – even tho it may mean pressure from kidz in skool 2 confrom to whatever construct of “cool” they’ve created. K “dear John” is on!

T: K bye text me back when its done

J: Btw, pinkie promise iz sum serious shiz- don’t promise dat if u Kant deliver, K- I’ll text u wen it’s dun (if it’s not 2 layt)

Feb 26, 2010 9:15 pm

T: *** broke up with ***

T: Nevermind they r back together

Feb 27, 2010 12:24 pm

T: Hey how was the movie did u cry;( during the movie

J: *** broke up?!? WTF!!!! Omg!!! Fuck that, OMFG!!!

Feb 27, 2010 12:45 pm

T: No it gets better they got back together again

J: Oh nvrmind jst saw they got bak 2gether. Wat a krazee tern uv eevents.

…MIZZING TXT…

J: … definitely quivered a few times and snce then, replaying scenes in my head, I’ve broken down once or thrice. Rex reed was right. Tatum and seyfriend are indeed our o’neal and macgraw or bogie and bacall. U gno wat ize sayin???

T: Yup so did u cry during dear john

T: No but if u want me 2 know I will

J: Let me put it dis way, I cried more during “love story but less during “ghost” BUT I cried MORE during “ghost” post-swayze dying. U no wat ize sayin?!?

J: Tatum reminds me of a more soulful efron

J: Nora efron, I mean

T: Oh yea I get u

T: Oh ok

J: Zac ephron has equal amount of soul

J: ah who gnos!

T: Haha idk so wat r u doin

Feb 27, 2010 1:05pm

T: Haha idk so wat r u doin

J: Jest whatchin “17 again” AGAIN! Lol!

J: Wat r u dewin?

T: Haha lol

Feb 27, 2010 1:27 pm

T: I am going 2 go da mall so I am da way right now

Feb 27, 2010 1:47 pm

J: Witch mall?

T: Idk

Feb 27, 2010 2:21 pm

T: Idk its in hollywood

J: R u going to sharper image? They havv dis kick azz hed massajer thrre

T: I don’t know we were walking there cause my mom left our cqar with the repair man and she saw a place 2 do her eyebrows and she is doing them right now

Feb 27, 2010 2:31 pm

J: U shude tell her 2 ax 4 da Frida kahlo

J: Just she hav 2 ibrows or jest 1?

T: 2

J: oh ok, nvermind

T: Wat how do u know bout that stuff

T: Haha u really surprise me soemtimes

J: I surprise miself sumtymes!

T: Wow

J: Btw, I ment 2 ax u- do u lyke twilight?

J: The time uv day, not the books or moovy

T: Omg a lady walked in and asked if she could get her privet part waxed and they said yes

T: Yea its ok I guess

J: How did she ask 4 it? Is it a place that only duz ibrows? Did she say my special brow iz a bit Frida khalo-y” and then wink until they caught her drift and took her into a special room?

T: Yea its fine I like the whole day no matter wat

J: Wut iz ur faverit tyme uv day tho? I think myn iz twilight or high noon

T: The lady left she was going 2 come back 2mmorow and yea they have a special room

J: Lol!

T: Well I like thoughs 2 copy cat

Feb 27, 2010 2:45 pm

T: Haha lol

J: Watevs- u kopeed mee! Ha ha – laughing outlandishly!

T: Haha lol

J: Btw, eye ment 2 ax u da uther day in skool – hoo do u like da best: Taylor Lautner, Robert pattinson, or Greg kinnear?

Feb 27, 2010 3:00 pm

T: Taylor

Feb 27, 2010 3:41 pm

T: Taylor lautner

Feb 27, 2010 4:24 pm

J: Mine 2. Wat about Taylor lautner or David duchovny?

J: I wuud still say “taylor” but lemme ax this: Taylor lautner or a 14 year-old David duchovny who is also a werewolf? Tuffer.

J: Justin beiber or Greg Kinnear?

T: Justin beiber

J: Me 2 but it’s kalose

Feb 27, 2010 4:49 pm

T: Megan fox or kristen stuert

Feb 27, 2010 5:02 pm

T: Megan fox or kriten stuert

Feb 27, 2010 5:53 pm

J: Megan fox. Butt it’s kalose 2.

J: Joe Jonas or Jonah Jonas?

T: Haha of corse who don’t like megan fox

T: none of them gross jenifer lopez or selena gomez

J: Megan fox for now but it depends on the time of day. At twilight it’s usually Kristen stuert – first thing in the morning it’s Kirsten dunst – then sometime around lunch it’s cloe sevigny

J: Jlo or sel-go?

J: Ummmmmmmmmm…. not shurr?

J: Jenny from the block? Or Selena…what time of day is it?

T: Haha a cheerleader or socer player

T: Noon

J: Noon? Definitely JLo!

…MIZZING TEXT…..

Feb 28, 2010 6:29 pm

T: Hey wat up brother from another mother and papa

Apr 19, 2010 10:39 pm

J: Dewin a schow 2gnite at you see bee theeater

J: I meant “scho” not “schow”

T: Who is this

Apr 20, 2010 4: 36 pm

T: Who is this

Jun 9, 2010 7:27 pm

T: Who is this ?

Jun 14, 2010 9:49 pm

T: Who is this

June 14, 2010 10:00 pm

J: ***? We had some good chats yes? I thought you were my friend *** and when you called me “eduardo” I thought you were messing with me cause that’s my friend ***’s nickname for me – he calls me “Eduardo the Gret”. Anyway, my non-nickname name is Justin. Sarry 4 all da konfuushun!

T: Yea no ur not funny eduardo and sorry for bothering

J: No, *** - my real name is “Justin” – you didn’t bother me – it was alot of fun texting with you! Hope all is well :)

T: I never called u eduardo da great u will never be great 2 me ever

T: Watever eduardo I kno its u

J: No, my friend *** (not you) calls me “eduardo the great” – as a joke (cause he doesn’t think I’m great either- he just likes to mess wit me)- he’s bein sarkazztik and *** Fo reals!

J: Lyeek I sayd my reell gname is “Justin Long”.

J: Hope ur well- hav a gr8 nyte!

Jun 14, 2010 10:15 pm

T: Watever night who the bed bugs bit u hard

T: Watever night hope the bed bugs bite u hard

J: Whaa? :-( *** ? Why do u want bed bugs 2 bite me? Bed bugs can b a serious problem – they’re insidious. They can infest the whole house and cause real painful bites. Dat wuz harrsh.

J: Srry ur mad. I didn’t mee 2 upset u

T: No eduardo u upset me already and u said that I stalk u and that I told u tat I loved u and tat I said tat one day we were going 2 be together no that up

T: set me cuz I lied I never said tat u lied about me now ta upset me

J: Wayy whaa?? *** u r gettin me konfewzd wit sumone else. I’m not your friend Eduardo from skool – it was all a big misunderstadin’ – my name is Justin. U mustve dyelled da rong gnuhmber wen u ment to Kall Eduardo. I’m gnot kiddin! And if your friend Eduardo says he doesn’t love u, then he’s not the person u should be loving anyway. There are so many phish in da sea, ***. You’ll get over him in no time – you’re young (I’m guessing) and there’s plenty of time to fall in love. Just concentrate on friends and schoolwork and loving your family – cuz dat iz da shiz that counts now. Gno wat ize sayin’???

June 14, 2010 10:32 pm

T: I never said tat eduardo waz from skool

June 16, 2010 10:46 am

T: - Fwd: Msg: FWD: No Cheatin!See wat ppl wnt frm u(1)NakedPic(2)hikkie(3)hug(4)kiss(5)sex(6)love(7)friendship(8)relationsship.Send 2 every1 n see wat they

T: want from you.

Jun 16, 2010 11:35 am

J: What? What’s that all about ***?

T: Its just a fwd

J: Weird forward.

T: Yea I kno

J: Hmmm…better leave that alone…

Jun 16, 2010 11:45 am

T: Wat